Neverland
by Opalynne
Summary: There, floating in the middle of the room, was a young man with neatly combed light brown hair, wearing a…a green tunic--complete with tights and a funny hat. L didn't know what he had gotten himself into. Peter PanXDeath Note Parody/Crossover


**Hello, It's been a long while since I've posted anything here...and this certainly isn't what I was expecting. This is actually my first post in the Death Note category, so be kind and review. ^_^ I haven't written anything in so long that I felt I needed to give my keyboard some excercise. And this story is the result--hope you enjoy!**

Ages:

L: 19 Mello: 10

Light: 17 Near: 8

* * *

Bedtime had arrived at the Whammy's House orphanage and like most nights, L was off to the room next door to his own. It was a ritual that had begun countless year ago, in which L would tell a bedtime story to his younger adopted brothers Mello and Near. Stopping at the door to their room, he knocked twice before letting himself in. The scene that met his eyes wasn't particularly abnormal: Mello was standing on his bed, holding a toy out of Near's reach with one hand and munching on a chocolate bar with the other. The blonde had a vindictive smile on his face as he watched the shorter boy try futilely to retrieve his property.

L let out an exasperated sigh. Why Quillish insisted the two boys share a room when he knew of Mello's intense dislike for Near was beyond his genius mind. L slouched into the room unnoticed and approached the blonde youth, plucking the toy robot out of his grip and handing it back to Near.

"Mello, what did Quillish say about bullying Near?" L began reproachfully. Mello scowled but did not answer. He did not press the matter, for he knew it would accomplish nothing except make the blonde angry. Not that it would make a difference; Mello always seemed to be angry about something or other.

Near cleared his throat to get L's attention. The white haired boy was already tucked in bed, cuddling his robot to his chest. "What story are you going to tell us tonight?" he asked in his usual monotone voice.

"Hmm…let's see…" L perched on the edge of Near's bed, drawing his knees to his chest in his usual manner. "How about…the story of Neverland?" he suggested, sticking his thumb on his lip.

"Yeah! We haven't heard that one in a long time!" Mello exclaimed enthusiastically, all traces of his previous anger gone.

"Alright, Neverland it is." L nodded, then began to tell the magical tale of wonder to the two drowsy boys. Distantly, the detective thought it was quite strange that the two teens still liked activities such as being told bedtime stories, but then again, they were both quite odd in that fashion. It wasn't long before both of them were fast asleep--Near was curled in a ball under his sheets, and Mello was sprawled across his mattress, an arm falling off and dragging on the floor. In a spur of brotherly affection he would only show when the two were asleep, L fixed the blonde's blankets then went to his own room. However, instead of heading for his own comfortable bed, L sat down in front of his computer and settled into the plush chair in his usual fashion--with his knees brought up to his chest and a finger resting near his lips.

The computer screen lit up and he typed in the various passwords and disabled the several encrypted traps that were meant to protect the device from any intruders. Some people would consider that overkill, but L was aware of the need for such protection. As the great detective L, he couldn't afford to take chances. Another thing that most people would consider overkill was the fact that the man would stay up well into the night working on whatever case caught his interest. Though this was just how he dealt with his severe insomnia. Pulling a package of unfinished panda cookies out, L began munching on them and submerged himself in his work. He was so engrossed in his activity that he did not notice the sound of his large window swinging open slowly. But he did feel a sudden cool breeze and was about to turn around to investigate the source when an unfamiliar voice cut through the silence of the room.

"What are you doing?"

Taken completely off guard, L let out a yell and tumbled off his chair. His head whipped around, large dark eyes searching for the owner of the voice. What he saw made his jaw drop. There, floating in the middle of the room--yes, _floating_!--was a young man with neatly combed light brown hair, wearing a…a green tunic (complete with tights and a funny hat). Currently there was a bemused expression on his handsome face as his honey colored eyes watched L stand up warily.

"Who are you and how did you get in here?" the detective demanded.

"The name is Light Yagami, and obviously I came in through the window." The man jerked his thumb at the window where the curtains were fluttering a bit from the night breeze. L felt a little bit dumb for not noticing that himself and began to wonder if he was dreaming. It wouldn't be the first time he had such a strange dream--like the time he'd dreamt that he had won a trip to Australia but on the boat ride there, Quillish revealed the whole thing was a trap and that L was actually the long lost prince of Zimbabwe on a mission to rid the world of mint flavored toothpaste. He was snapped out of his thoughts when his door was all but kicked down as Mello burst into the room brandishing a gun.

"L, are you okay?! I heard shout--Sweet Mother of Mary!" the blonde exclaimed seeing Light floating in the middle of the room.

"Holy s--!" was all Light managed to get out before Mello started firing. The intruder zoomed behind the bed for cover while L shouted for Mello to stop shooting holes in his bedroom. Mello paused in his firing and gave L an apologetic look.

"Can I come out now without being shot at?" asked an irritated voice from the vicinity of the bed.

"Go ahead Light-kun. Mello will refrain from shooting at you for the moment." L assured the man.

" 'For the moment'?" Light repeated questioningly. "And why in the heck does a kid like him even own a gun?"

"Well Light-kun _is _a trespasser with dubious intentions, so until I am able to ascertain the nature of this 'visit', I would prefer to be cautious." L explained, ignoring Light's second question.

"Kun?" Light wondered at the addition to his name.

"You are obviously of Japanese origin, so I feel that I should at the very least, be polite in my speech patterns." L said monotonously, staring down the youth with his unnerving gaze.

"Who is he?" asked Near's wary voice from the doorway.

Annoyed at having to explain, L introduced the two boys to Light quickly then turned back toward the man who was curiously examining the bowl of candy L had set out on his desk.

"Now would be a good time to explain why you are here." The detective frowned, possessively grabbing the bowl and holding it away from Light.

"And how it is you can defy the laws of gravity." Near added, squeezing his transformer toy to his chest and looking thoroughly thrown for a loop.

"Fair enough. I'm here because I was bored and decided to come looking for some people to bring with me to visit my home in Neverland. And you three happen to fit the bill." Light explained, still examining the contents of L's bedroom.

"Neverland? That place isn't real!" Mello contradicted.

"And people aren't supposed to be able to fly either, but here I am." Light replied haughtily. Mello didn't seem to have anything to say to that.

"Sounds cool. When do we leave?" Near asked.

"Who said we were going in the first place?" L wondered.

"Why wouldn't you want to go? It's a paradise." Light said.

"How so?" L asked, not convinced.

"Because in Neverland, you never grow older and…," he paused for dramatic effect, "there is no crime!" Light said with a dreamlike expression.

"No…crime? This, Light-kun, I feel I must verify for myself." L said, showing as much excitement as his stoic expression would allow.

"I knew you'd see it my way." Light added smugly. He made a loud whistle and shouted, "Hey Misa! Misa-bell, come here!" A small blonde fairy wearing a scandalously short black gothic dress zoomed into the room, eagerly responding to Light's call. "You wanted to know how I can fly?" Light asked, glancing at Near. "Misa, could you sprinkle them with some of your fairy dust?"

The tiny woman took one look at the three Whammy boys and shook her head in refusal.

"Aw, come on Misa-bell--don't be jealous." Light pushed.

The fairy gave him a look that seemed to say '_Me_, jealous of _them_?'.

Light frowned at her until she finally relented and resentfully sprinkled dust over the three.

"Ew, gross! Your fairy dust is gonna ruin my leather pajamas!" Mello cried, frantically trying to blush the sparkles off of his outfit. Misa 'hmphed', holding her chin high in the air, and flew back to hover around Light's shoulder.

"I do not feel any different." Near observed, looking down and examining his body and seeing nothing out of the ordinary aside from the sparkles that adorned his usual snowy white baggy pajamas.

"Come on--follow me!" Light said encouragingly, flying out the window.

"Is he crazy?! This is the third freaking floor, and I for one don't particularly feel like jumping to my intensely painful death." Mello said vehemently. The three looked nervously between each other.

"You go first." Mello demanded of Near.

Near's expression did not change, and he merely looked up to L. "I believe that the most logical choice would be for L to go first since he is the oldest and therefore has had the most time among this earth. We still have the rest of our lives ahead of us."

"You do realize that we are not that far apart in age difference, right?" L asked, making no move to get any closer to the suddenly intimidating window ledge.

"What are you waiting for?" Light asked edgily, poking his head back into the room. "Just believe you can fly and you'll fly just fine--it's that simple." He said, guessing at the reason for their hesitation.

Mello burst out laughing. "Did you actually just say that?! That's got to be the corniest line I've ever heard!" Light scowled and came back into the room. He lifted a startled Mello, dragged him to the window, then tossed him unceremoniously outside into the night air.

The blonde let out a shriek as he fell and shouted frantically, "I believe I can fly! I believe I can fly!" The blonde ten year-old was mere feet away from knowing the pavement way more intimately than he would ever have liked when his decent suddenly stopped altogether. His eyes that had been glued together during his fall sprang open completely upon seeing that he was now hovering safely. Letting out a whoop of joy, the boy flew upward and did a few loops in the air, reveling in his newfound ability.

"Now what was that I heard you say? Because I could've sworn you just used my 'corniest line ever'." Light gloated. Mello turned an interesting shade of red and muttered something unintelligible.

Misa-bell was busy laughing at Mello's embarrassment and the blonde growled, throwing his gun at her. She squealed and ducked away at the last second. Mello collected his gun and watched as L and Near tentatively leapt out of the window. To their surprise, they both stayed stationary instead of dropping to the ground. L lamented over the fact that he could not float in his usual crouching position while Near zoomed around making sounds and pretending like it was his transformer toy that was flying. Light allowed them a few minutes to get used to their newly acquired ability, enjoying their reactions in the meantime.

"What is Light-kun waiting for? I am eager to see this so-called crime free world." L prompted impatiently.

"Okay, let's get going then." Light said, flying high into the clouds.

"Come Near, Mello. Stay close to me." L commanded, feeling distinctly odd flying through the skies. There were a few screams from down below as the flying people were spotted amongst the clouds.

"Isn't Light-kun concerned with being seen?" L asked.

"Nah, It's more fun to leave what they've seen up to their imaginations." Light shrugged noncommittally.

"This is so fun!" Mello shouted, twirling around in the air as they got higher and higher.

"Light-kun…how high exactly are we going to rise into the atmosphere?" L asked uncertainly, as his bare feet were getting quite cold.

"Just a little while longer." Light assured them. Just as he spoke, a sparkly and bright vortex appeared in the middle of the sky. Mello made a startled exclamation and Near's eyes widened just a fraction. "Follow me!" Light commanded, flying upward into the light (haha, pun alert!).

"Are we sure about this?" Near asked staring up with apprehension.

"Crime free world." L reminded the boy as if that alone would warrant their flying into some dubious looking hole in the middle of the London sky. And in his eyes, it did.

"So off they went, on their way to the greatest adventure of their lives…" Light narrated as they were sucked into the swirling masses of light and energy.

L and the boys shielded their eyes from the dazzling light, flying blind for half a minute. Upon taking their hands away from their faces, the three were met with an incredible sight: Instead of the dark hillsides filled with dots of illumination from houses and buildings there was a bright blue sky filled with clouds hovering over an expansive sparkling ocean.

"Welcome to Neverland." Light said proudly as he flew through a cloud and emerged looking just as well-kempt as he had when he first went in.

"I've always wanted to fly through a cloud!" Mello admitted, blushing slightly at the childishness of his wish. He charged through the same cloud Light had gone through, emerging seconds later sputtering and wet. After recovering himself a bit, the first thing he did was make a beeline for Light and grab him by his collar. "Why didn't that happen to you?!" he demanded angrily.

"I've had years to perfect that. You just need practice." Light said with a shrug.

"That still doesn't make any sense, logically speaking." Near interjected. "Clouds are masses of water vapor that have frozen into crystals that gather together to become visible to the human eye and therefore, flying through one would naturally make one wet. Practice would not change that."

"It does in Neverland. Now let's get going--there are some people I want you to meet." Light dismissed the matter and led the way over to a nearby island.

"Mello, it does not do you any favors to grumble. With your higher than average IQ, you should have known the results of that little jaunt through a cloud." L admonished as he watched Mello attempt to wring the moisture out of his hair and mutter darkly under his breath.

"You'd forget something like that too if you were about to realize one of your childhood dreams!" Mello spat defensively.

"I assure you I would not. In fact, I have no dreams that I would loose my ability to think logically for in order to achieve. To do so would be quite illogica--" L was cut off suddenly as something painfully collided with his head. The surprise, as well as the fact that his vision started to get blurry attested to his loss of concentration and consequently, his streaking out of the sky, falling and picking up speed as he neared the ground. The two young boys called his name out in alarm, but their voices were getting farther and farther away. Light swore and dove through the air, torpedoing his way to the falling teen. Making a final lunge, he was able to catch L and pull up from the descent. L furrowed his brow and pried his eyes open, only to be met with the sight of a relieved male looking down at him. They stayed like that for a few seconds until Light started to look uncomfortable.

"Um…this is awkward." he muttered.

"Agreed. Put me down right away and we never speak of this again." L said, straining to let his feet finally reach solid ground. Light let him down just as Mello and Near caught up with them.

"L are you okay?!" Mello demanded, landing and running up to his idol.

"I'm fine." L replied, reassuring the boy by patting him on the head.

"What was it that hit you?" Mello wondered angrily.

"I believe it was this." Near said, holding up a battered-looking old school gameboy.

"That?!" Light asked, greatly surprised. He drifted over to the white haired boy ("Too lazy to walk?" Mello muttered darkly) and took the electronic device out of his hands. "I'd know this anywhere…" he said, looking around through the dense jungle. Sure enough, after barely a minute of waiting a young red haired boy came charging through the brush. His eyes were covered with goggles and he was wearing a strange vest with a long-sleeved striped shirt. Spotting the gaming consol held in Light's hands, he threw his goggles off his face and his eyes glowed with the passion of finding a lost lover.

"Oh there you are baby! I'd thought I lost you! I'm so sorry for getting mad at you--I promise I'll never do it again!" he said solemnly, grabbing the device and cuddling it to his chest.

"Were you the one that threw that?" Mello demanded, getting right up in the shorter boy's face.

"Yeah…I got mad when the battery died right before I had beaten level 76 of Mario Golf so I threw it…" the boy trailed off sheepishly.

"Well your stupid game nearly killed my brother here, so you'd better apologize!" Mello ordered, drawing himself up to his full height.

The boy's eye twitched. "Okay, I may have been in the wrong to throw it, and I'm sorry it hit your friend, but no one, NO ONE, calls my precious gameboy stupid!" he yelled, his passion making Mello blink and take a few steps back.

"That's enough Matt. Calm down." Light pacified the boy. "No one got seriously hurt, so everything is okay."

The boy--Matt--backed down and suddenly looked as docile as a kitten. He peered around at the unfamiliar faces and asked Light, "So, who are they?"

"Visitors come to see our home." Light said, and introduced the three.

"Oh. That's pretty cool I guess." Matt said, shoving his hands into his pockets. He stood silently for a few moments, then turned and headed back the way he came. "You coming or what?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Where are we going? I have yet to see how this world is crime free, Light." L reminded the floating teen.

"We'll get to that later--for now let's go to my house and meet the boys." Light said evasively. L frowned at the avoidance of his hint, but decided to go with it for now.

They made their way to a large tree with a door at the base of the trunk. Ropes and swings hung from several branches. Light blew a loud whistle and called out, "Everybody come out! There's some people here I want you to meet!"

L was suddenly apprehensions about the kind of company that Light kept. Matt seemed okay, if a little unstable, but who was to say about the rest of them?

The door burst open and they were met with the sight of a man in a large bear suit. "Oh yay! New friends!" he shouted joyfully, running forward to engulf L in a huge hug. L stiffened at the sudden contact, but almost as soon as the pressure was there, it was gone as the man went on to hug Near and Mello. Near accepted the embrace without resisting, however Mello was not about to go down without a fight; he artfully dodged the man's advance, leaving him to fall to the ground, overbalanced. "Aww, that was mean. I just wanted to give you a welcoming hug." the man pouted.

"Matsuda, that's enough." Light sighed.

"Sorry…I get a little overexcited sometimes. Light doesn't often bring home visitors." Matsuda explained, casting his gaze downward and kicking his foot into the dirt.

"Where are the others?" Light asked. Matsuda opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by another yell from inside the tree.

"We're coming, we're coming." called a grumpy voice. At first, the three thought a giant fuzz ball was emerging from the tree house, but after a moment they corrected themselves--it was just a man with a large afro.

"What took you so long Aizawa?" Light inquired.

The man grunted. "I had to break up a fight between the wonder twins." he explained, showing disdain. Moments later, two other men (presumably the wonder twins) came into view. One was a fairly large man with spiked hair and a stoic expression. The other was a fairly small man with really funky slicked over hair and a stoic expression. Neither said a word, and pretended to ignore the other's existence.

"What happened between those two this time?" Light sighed.

"Oh you know, the usual--Mogi complained that Ide used his customized kitchen knife and 'forgot to sharpen it' when he was finished." Aizawa rolled his eyes. "And when I asked Wedy and Aiber for help, Aiber was too busy getting drunk, and Wedy was painting her nails. Why do these people all live under the same roof in the first place again?" The man muttered.

Light either didn't hear him or decidedly ignored the question. Either way, he seemed to be looking around for someone else. "Where's dad?" he asked. The half open door to the tree house was abruptly knocked aside so violently, it was almost ripped off its hinges.

"Riiiiight here, m'boy!" shouted a man with decent sized gray streaks running through his hair. He wore a pair of glasses and had a good sized mustache. He strode forward purposefully and clapped Light on the shoulder with a huge grin on his face. "It's good to see you bringing friends home!" In an aside to the three Whammy boys, he added secretively, "He may not look it, but my son is real shy when it comes to making friends. I think you'll be good for him. Why, he was so excited when he left for England, you wouldn't believe the amount of pixie dust he was shedding all over the house"

"Dad, you are embarrassing me. And you wonder why I don't bring people home more often…" Light muttered. To his guests, he added, "By the way, he is over-exaggerating. I am most certainly not shy, and I was NOT that excited. Dad just…he doesn't see things quite the way most people do…"

The man hadn't been listening to Light's assurances, and exclaimed, "I think this calls for a celebration!"

"Oh dear…" Light muttered, then turned to Aizawa. "Make sure he doesn't go too overboard."

"I'll do my best. But you know your father--once he gets worked into something, he doesn't let it go that easily." the afro-man said. Steeling himself, he stepped away from Light and approached the older man. "Come on Soichiro, let's not get too excited now…" he said, steering him into the house.

"Light-kun, I thought you said that in Neverland, people never grow up. Yet save Matt and yourself, everyone here seems quite old." L brought up, biting down on his thumb.

"Ehhh…so how about that tour of the area?" Light evaded. Misa-bell began trying to get Light's attention by waving her arms around wildly and flying around his head. Somehow, the teen did not notice his companion's antics, and simply pulled L and the others along in order to show them his CD collection. When Misa-bell realized that he wasn't paying any attention, she zoomed away for a few moments, then returned dragging two large pans that were twice the size of her miniscule body. Panting for a moment, and wavering in her flight, she brought the two together and made the loudest noise she could. Still, Light didn't notice. Finally, L decided to take pity on the small fairy and got Light's attention for her.

"Light-kun…I believe your fairy is endeavoring to get your attention." he said monotonously.

"Who?" Light looked momentarily confounded, and watched as L pointed at the hovering blonde--who, incidentally looked fairly angry. "Oh! What's up Misa?"

Misa pouted then just turned away, pouting her lips in a clear sign that she was not pleased.

"Okay. If you don't have anything to say, then I'm just going to take these three to the river." Light shrugged, and began to walk away, but Misa-bell relented and spun back around, flying straight into Light's face. She made a number of odd squeaks and squawks that the Whammy boys took to be speech. Light listened patiently while she ranted and when she went silent, the pout returned to her face and she waited for Light to speak.

"Is that all?" he asked. When she nodded, he continued. "I don't really care that you broke a nail. I've got guests to entertain, and I can't keep you company while you go to the salon to get it fixed. Ask Matsuda or someone." With that, Light dismissed the beyond angry fairy and led the Whammy boys away into the forest.

"Are you sure that was polite?" Near asked.

"Like you're one to talk, mister No Social Skills." Mello retorted. Near ignored him.

"Don't worry about it. Misa is always trying to get me to do stuff like that, but the real reason is that she wants my attention. Now that she doesn't have it, she's jealous." Light said easily.

"You sound as if you are not particularly fond of her." L inferred.

"I'm _not_. But that fairy has a mean streak a mile wide--no, probably wider--and I don't feel like I want to get on the bad side of it." Light answered sensibly.

"That is wise. But by ignoring her, haven't you just gotten on the bad side of her mean streak?" L pointed out.

Light opened his mouth for a quick reply, then closed it abruptly with a thoughtful look on his face. After a few moments, he mused, "Yes…I suppose I did." He shook his head to dismiss the train of thought. "Oh well. I doubt we have anything to worry about."

"Let's hope you are right Light-kun." L said, as he and his brothers followed him to their next destination.

Meanwhile with Misa-bell, things were certainly not all right and there were indeed causes to worry. The jilted blonde fairy, after many shed tears, decided to take her revenge by paying a visit to a certain someone…

In a darkened and mysterious room she pleaded her case with a number of angry squawks and squeals, ending with an imploring expression as she waited for a reply.

In the shadows, a man crossed his legs and chuckled darkly. "I quite understand your plight little fairy, and I would be glad to help you."

Misa-bell grinned vindictively and showed her appreciation by giggling in her high pitched fairy voice.

"Never fear, you will definitely succeed with Captain Hook on your side!" the man said heartily, joining in with Misa-bell's laughter. This went on for several minutes, before the man began coughing. He hastily cleared his throat, and said, "Well then, let's get to plotting."

"Ah, man I'm exhausted!" Mello exclaimed, toweling his hair dry. The group had gone for a refreshing swim in the river and were now heading back for some dinner.

"I still don't get why you don't like to go swimming." Light said to L as he floated alongside the detective easily.

"As I previously stated, I am not averse to dipping my feet into the water, but I am not entirely comfortable swimming in a state of near undress in a public area." L said simply.

"Aww, so the great L is shy?" Light teased.

"I am not shy. I also do not have the slightest desire to immerse myself in such cold water." L retorted, with a hint of contempt in his voice.

"You know very well that the real reason is because you are shy and self-conscious." Light pressed with a playful smirk.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Near warned, twirling a lock of his damp hair around his finger.

"Do what? Get L to admit that he's acting like a gir--" Light's sentence was cut off as L delivered a crushing kick to his stomach. The teen was sent backward straight into a tree. He fell to the ground heavily and to all appearances, was out cold.

"I told him not to do that…" Near muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Whoa, L! You sure gave it to him!" Mello laughed. He ran over to the unconscious teen and snickered darkly, pulling out a marker from his pocket. "This is what you get for throwing me out the window earlier…" L and Near watched in interest as the blonde scribbled something across Light's face. Mello finished and stood back, admiring his handiwork.

"What did you write?" Near asked curiously, approaching the two. Seeing what Mello had written, he couldn't contain the chuckle that escaped his lips.

"What is it?" L asked. Anything that made Near laugh was surely worth his time. He moved towards the three and looked down at Light's face. What he saw made his eye twitch ever so slightly. Scrawled across the teen's forehead in bold marker was the phrase, 'L's Bitch'.

"I can't wait to see his expression when he finds out!" Mello said gleefully. Just as he spoke, Light began to stir and groaned in pain. Mello quickly hid the marker from sight and backed away innocently. The teen opened his eyes blearily and saw the three brothers surrounding him.

"What happened?" he muttered, rubbing the back of his head gingerly.

"Light-kun would not keep his mouth shut, so I was forced to shut it for him." L said darkly.

"Remind me not to cross you again…" Light groaned, clutching at his stomach with a wince. "Never mind, let's just go back and get some food." The green clad teen struggled to his feet and began walking toward the tree house. The Whammy boys followed--each struggling to keep a straight face.

They approached the tree house and discovered that it was covered with various banners and sparkly streamers.

"Oh dear…dad's done it again." Light grumbled, his shoulders sinking at the thought of how much time it would take to clean the place back up.

"Light! You're back!" called Matsuda joyfully, running toward the teen. "I know you didn't want a party, but you know your dad--he's as stubborn as an over-the-hill sales clerk!" Matsuda stopped in front of Light and bent over, resting his hands on his knees in order to catch his breath.

"Is that Light? Oh thank goodness! Light, please stop him already!" Aizawa cried, running up to them to join the panting Matsuda.

Matsuda stood up straight and looked Light in the face, presumably about to speak, when his eyes wandered upward and he silently mouthed the words on Light's forehead. The man could do nothing but gape and he slowly turned beet red.

"What's the matter Matsuda?" Light asked in confusion. Mello turned away, using all his might to hold in his mirth.

"Light, he's…" Aizawa trailed off as he neared his companion and read the words tattooed on his face. "Light…is that true?!" afro-man demanded, taken aback.

"What? Is what true?" Light looked completely lost as he stared at Matsuda and Aizawa, waiting for an explanation. Aizawa was too shocked to from a reply and Matsuda looked as though if he dared open his mouth, all that would come out would be a mountain of gibberish.

"You might want to take a look at your face. There's something…interesting on it." Matt supplied evasively as he passed the scene, not even looking up from his game.

"S-something on my--what is it?!" he turned frantically to the Whammy boys to tell him.

At this point, Mello couldn't contain himself any longer. He burst out in laughter, pointing at Light and trying but failing to form a comprehensible sentence due to his breathlessness. Near looked away with an expression of innocence branded on his face and L let out a sigh.

Light was thoroughly panicked now. "Misa-bell! Bring me a mirror right away!" he cried. He waited a few moments, but it quickly became apparent that the fairy was not coming. "Where's that girl when you actually need her?!" Light zoomed into the tree house in search of any reflective surface. From inside, there were several muffled gasps and bursts of laughter, both of which were met with an indistinguishable cry on Light's part.

"WHO THE HELL DESECRATED MY BEAUTIFUL FACE?!" screeched the mortified teenager. There were several loud crashes and bangs from inside the house as Light fought his way back outside. He reemerged to the sight of L holding his head in his hand, Near playing with his toy (already disinterested in the drama), and Mello rolling around on the ground laughing so hard he looked as though he was ready to choke out some vital organ. "Which of you was it?!" Light demanded wrathfully. L and Near both pointed silently towards Mello, stepping aside in the interest of self-preservation.

"Hahahahahaoh shite!" Mello's enjoyment was cut short as Light grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him upward. "Whoa man, put me down--I didn't mean it!" Mello cried, trying to kick his way free of Light's grip.

"You…absolute scumbag! You violated my flawless face! Blemished my godly good looks! Graffitied on my perfection!"

"Let me go! I promise I'll never do it again!" Mello pleaded, the blood rushing to his face.

"Not before I've taught you not to mess with me ever again!" Light fumed.

He flew higher and higher into the sky, swinging the defenseless blonde around in a circle. With a primitive sounding roar, he let go of his captive's ankles and Mello was sent soaring through the air and out of sight. Moments later, the sound of a loud splash was heard alongside the agonized cry of "My leather!"

Light descended back to the ground, wiping his hands. "Now that I've taken out the trash, it's time for me to wash this OBVIOUS FALSEHOOD off of my face." he said loudly in an attempt to convey that he most certainly was not 'L's Bitch'.

"Hmm…you know what? Now that I think of it…you do seem like you would be the submissive partner in a relationship." Aizawa said thoughtfully.

"What?!" Light's voice shot up a few octaves in his outrage. "Nothing, absolutely nothing about me is submissive--what makes you think something as absurd as that?!"

"It's alright Aizawa. I totally get what you mean!" Matsuda said, and in his excitement, forgot just who they were talking about. When Light turned his glare on the bear man, he whimpered but courageously went on to clarify his statement. "I only thought that since Light is so dominant in every aspect of his personality, it would make sense that he's overcompensating for his submissive nature."

If Light's expression could kill, Matsuda would have been long dead and entombed in the most painfully humiliating way possible. The absolute silence that suddenly descended upon the scene was interrupted only by those nearest to Matsuda inching away from him in case he incurred the destructive wrath of a certain prideful teen.

"He's got a good point, you know."

Light jumped at the sudden appearance of his father, who was stroking his mustache thoughtfully. "Dad! You are not supposed to agree with these ridiculous rumors that your only son is both gay and submissive!" he complained.

"It's okay m'boy. I am your father and I will support any lifestyle decision you make." Soichiro said solemnly, gripping his son in a suffocating embrace.

"I give up…" Light groaned.

"See? That was submission right there!" Aizawa pointed out. One dangerous glint in Light's eyes later and Aizawa's fuzzy afro had seen places and experienced things that no self-respecting head of hair should ever have to endure. Light floated off somewhere (presumably to wash his face off) and Soichiro was quick to get the party started.

--1 hour later…

Nightfall found the Whammy boys situated around a campfire roasting marshmallows. Mello was still incensed about his whole ordeal; Since his precious leather was completely soaked from his unplanned swim in the river, he was forced to wear one of Matsuda's spare suits--which was an oversized cat costume. The blonde could hardly walk in it, it was so big on him. So he contented himself with silently plotting against Light in the corner while his brothers gobbled up marshmallows.

Everyone was in awe of the sheer number of the sugary puff balls that L was able to shove down his throat. L was on his one hundred and sixteenth one when Matsuda offered him a cup of hot chocolate.

"Thank you Matsuda-san. That was greatly appreciated." L said, greedily slurping the scalding liquid down.

"Uhm…you're welcome." Matsuda stared for a few minutes longer then commented, "Light never eats that many marshmallows…he says he has to worry about his perfect figure."

L inwardly chuckled. "If he uses his mind, then he won't have to worry about getting fat." he replied just before sticking another marshmallow in his mouth.

"Well, he does! Light is the smartest person on this island!" Matsuda said eagerly. "Lots of people like him for that!"

"Really? He doesn't seem as though he is that smart." L commented offhandedly.

"My Light is the smartest kid of all!" shouted a drunken Soichiro, plopping down next to L and throwing his arm around the detective's shoulders. L squirmed and attempted to get away from the unwanted physical contact, but the old man had a deceptively strong grip.

"Crap…you got into the sake again, didn't you?" Matsuda asked dreadfully.

"It's a special occasion!" the man defended himself.

"Yeah but in your opinion, laundry night is a special occasion." the young man muttered. L blinked as he noticed the appearance of Light, who incidentally, was ignoring the festivities and heading straight indoors.

"Light-kun is not going to partake in the marshmallows?" he inquired.

"Not with this still on my face!" the teen shouted angrily, pointing to his forehead. It was red from all the scrubbing it must have received, but the black marker was still there. "Now I'll never be able to show myself in public again!" he cried dramatically, and ran inside.

"He is quite the drama king, isn't he?" Near commented.

"By the way, this came for you." Soichiro took a slightly dented package from his jacket pocket and handed it to L.

"What could have possibly come here for me?" the man wondered aloud, peeling the wrapping paper away using only his thumb and forefinger. His eyes widened considerably when he saw the contents of the box.

"What is it?" Near and Mello asked eagerly.

"It's…it's…" L pulled the object out of the box and held it up for all to see. "Cake!" he said with the maximum amount of joy he would probably ever show.

As L sat staring at the cake's perfection, Mello took it upon himself to call loudly, "It's too bad señor sissy isn't here to enjoy this!" There was no response. The blonde called louder, "He's probably too embarrassed to show his 'god-like perfection' ruined!" Still nothing. Frustrated, Mello called out one last insult, "At least I'm not a submissive girl who uses too much hair gel!"

This comment was apparently the last straw for Light, and he came storming out of the tree furiously with a headband hiding his forehead. Mello quickly hid himself behind L, who took no notice whatsoever, so enthralled was he with his cake.

"What are you going to do? Flaunt your precious 'beauty' at me?" Mello goaded from behind his human sized shield.

"Why must you provoke him?" Near asked.

"If you attempt to harm my little brother, I will have no choice but to stop you." L warned, not taking his eyes off of his cake.

"He's the one messing with me!" Light growled.

"Regardless. You are still picking on a child who is years younger than yourself."

Light clenched and unclenched his fists, his teeth grinding together in anger. "Well if I can't pick on your devil of a little brother, then how about I do this?!" Light grabbed the cake from L's hands abruptly and flew upward before the genius could stop him. "Say goodbye to your cake!" he cried, chucking the thing far away into the forest.

"No!!!" L cried, stretching his arm toward the flying pastry as though he could stop it. "Light-kun…that was not a very wise move…" he said darkly, turning to the teen and cracking his knuckles. Light took a startled step backward and raised his hands in an unconscious gesture of self-defense. If any of them had been paying attention, and ignoring the commotion that was L beating Light to a pulp, they would have heard the distinct sound of a cake exploding with malicious force somewhere off in the distance.

Hidden from those participating in the campfire festivities, Misa-bell was in the bushes throwing a temper tantrum.

"Calm down, all is not lost." said the mysterious Captain Hook from beside her. "We still have plan B."

Misa stopped her whining abruptly and a wicked grin lit up her face…

L didn't know exactly when or how he had fallen asleep, but he realized the second he was dreaming. Because there was simply no feasibility in the idea that Quillish had decided to renovate Whammy's House into a gingerbread house.

"Don't you think it's grand?" the elderly man inquired as he polished his nails carefully.

"I think it is wonderful…but what brought about the sudden decision to do this?" L asked, tearing a cherry candy off of a door frame.

"Call it my midlife crisis."

"But you're 66..."

"It's never too late to have a midlife crisis. Care for a toffee?"

"No thanks. I'd better get going now. I've got a plane to catch." L said as he jumped out the window and into a bounce house. But the bounce house was too turbulent for him to keep his footing, and he fell down. He noticed that the walls were quickly closing in on him, and he tried to fight his way out but it was futile. Taking a deep breath, he focused all of his strength in a powerful kick and finally tore himself free. He emerged in an unfamiliar, dimly lit room.

"I see you are awake." a man said, and L could just hear the smirk in his voice.

"Who are you? I don't believe we've met before." L asked.

"We haven't. But you've taken something that doesn't belong to you. And no one steals from Captain Hook!" the man said, righteous anger entering his voice.

"I do not know what you are talking about. I have never stolen anything in my entire life."

"Is that right? Then how do you explain this?!" the man cried, shoving something in L's face. L blinked at the sudden movement and cautiously took what Captain Hook was shoving under his nose. It was a picture of L beating Light up, with a close up on Light's face so that it was apparent what was written on the teen's forehead.

"Are…are you suggesting that I stole Light-kun from you?" he asked, a bit dumbfounded.

"Yes!" the man cried agonizingly.

"I assure you, my feelings for Light-kun are completely platonic." L said evenly.

"Lies! All lies! Do you honestly think I am that stupid?" the man asked, shifting his glasses as he took a step closer to L in an attempt to intimidate.

"I never said that." L looked away from the man and examined his surroundings. "I…am no longer dreaming am I?" he concluded.

"What? Of course you're not!" Captain Hook said in annoyance.

"Then how did I get here?" L demanded.

"I had a little help." the man said unhelpfully.

"Help? Did this help perhaps come from a jealous fairy?" L inferred.

"Maybe."

L groaned and slammed his hand to his forehead. "Why is this happening to me? All I wanted was to see a world that was free of crime, and instead I get deprived of cake and kidnapped. Which, by the way is against the law! He lied to me--there _is _crime!"

"On the contrary, in this world it is perfectly legal to kidnap someone if it is in the name of love." Hook said with a dreamy expression on his face.

"More like obsession. Tell me, does Light-kun actually return these feelings of yours?" L asked, his eyes scanning the room for an escape route. Judging by the way the floor was rocking slightly, he assumed they were on a ship. Eyeing the man, he supposed he could take him. They appeared about the same size when he was not hunched over, but the only thing that worried the young detective was the hook that was in place of one of the man's hands.

The man looked stumped at L's question, but recovered quickly. "Of course he does. He just…doesn't quite realize it yet."

"Is that so…?" L murmured, then in a move too quick for the obsessive captain, he kicked the man against the wall and made a dash for the door. No sooner had he escaped the room was he pinned to the ground by a freakishly strong grip.

"You thought you could escape?" panted Hook as he stumbled out of the room holding his side. "Good work Takada--tie him up and hold him by the others."

L snatched a glance at his captor and saw that it was a very muscular man--no, woman--who was at least seven feet tall with a fierce expression on her somewhat dull face. She grunted and hauled L forward.

"Others?" he asked with a sudden dread. Neither Hook or the Neanderthal woman answered his query and he saw quick enough that his brothers were tied to the mast of the ship.

"L! You're okay!" Mello cried in relief.

"Why are my brothers here as well? They've nothing to do with this." L demanded.

"You are all conspiring to take my Light away from me!" Hook insisted.

"What is he talking about?" Mello asked.

"You don't want to know…" L sighed as Takada wrapped yards of rope around the his thin frame.

"What are we going to do?" Near asked. L said nothing, his thoughts already preoccupied with plotting an escape.

"We…can only assume his end goal is to 'obtain' Light. So we wait until the man of the hour shows up. _If _he shows up, that is." L said, giving a withering stare at Mello.

"What?" the boy asked, attempting to look innocent.

"You know very well what. If it weren't for your behavior, we probably wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. I will make sure Quillish is informed of your behavior." L said sternly.

"Enough chit-chat. Takada--make him walk the plank." Hook ordered.

"Are you kidding? You will not force me into that cold water at this hour!" L said, trying to jerk away from Takada's grip on the rope that bound him.

"You don't have much of a choice. And look--Ryuk the crocodile is here to celebrate this occasion." Hook said gleefully. "That one loves the taste of human flesh. I should know--he ate two of my pool boys last summer."

"What would you need pool boys for on a ship?" Near whispered to Mello. The blonde shrugged.

L was thrown onto the plank that was set up for him and struggled to keep his balance without the use of his arms. Captain Hook laughed as he shoved a sword in L's direction to get him to walk further down the board. L resisted the urge to sneer at the man and walked forward a bit, taking care to watch his footing. He glanced down and saw an odd blue crocodile licking its lips and cackling in a way that was distinctly un-crocodileish.

"What are you waiting for? Jump already!" Hook instructed, shaking the plank violently so that L lost his balance and went plummeting down. He closed his eyes and braced himself but instead of being submerged in water, he was caught by a pair of arms.

"Geez! How many marshmallows did you eat?" asked Light's annoyed voice as he strained to keep his grip.

"I assure you, it was not a terribly unhealthy amount." L pouted slightly. "I am surprised you came." he added, "I would have thought Mello's taunting would have made you very disagreeable to helping us at all."

"Well…Matsuda kinda guilt tripped me into coming, so thank him." Light muttered as he floated upward and set L back on the deck and untied him.

"OH LIGHT, YOU CAME!!!" Hook cried, overjoyed. "It is I, Captain Hook--your faithful servant of heart, mind and body!"

"Ew…" Light shuddered. "Look Mikami, this is getting really old."

"Who is this Mikami you speak of? I am Hook, I tell you!" exclaimed the man.

"Light-kun, this man seems to be under the delusion that we are an item and that I have stolen you from him. Will you be so kind as to correct this misconception?" L said.

Light groaned. "This isn't the first time he's done this. Every time my…unconventional family grew, he abducted each new member and accused them of trying to 'get with me'. Really, he's just a freakish stalker."

"Oh, I know you're just joking." Mikami said imperturbably.

"No I'm not. I don't like you in the least and I am definitely not interested." Light said firmly.

"But I cut off my hand to prove my love for you!" the crazed man shouted fervently, waving his hooked stump around in the air.

"That's just scary and gross." Light inched away from the man warily. Mikami noticed this and got a wild look in his eyes.

"I will just have to prove my love with actions then!" he cried, launching himself towards Light.

"Ack!" Light yelped and shot up into the air before Mikami's arms wrapped around the space where he had been standing only seconds before. The man overbalanced and with a much drawn out yell, spun around in a circle then tumbled off of the ship. He landed in the water with a loud splash, where he continued to profess his affection for Light over the sound of Ryuk the crocodile's splashing.

"I adore you my sweet--aah! My adorable little cherub, you--ouch--you lovely--owie!"

"Shouldn't we help him?" Near wondered as L was untying his brothers.

"He'll be fine. Somehow he always is." Light said regretfully.

They left the ship as Takada was leaning over the railing shouting, "Hooooook!" in her deep manly voice.

Upon their return to the tree house, they were met with a cheery welcome from all.

"Misa-bell! Come out--I know you're here!" Light called, struggling to contain his anger. The fairy left her hiding spot and approached Light with her head bowed.

"I know it was you that tipped Mikami off. What do you have to say for yourself?" he asked. Misa-bell mumbled something unintelligibly. "Good. Now go tell that to them." Light pointed at the three Whammy boys. Misa's eyes filled with tears, and she fled the scene wailing. "That ought to take care of her for a while." he smirked.

"You are pretty cruel to that fairy." Mello pointed out. But no one followed up on that.

"All of the excitement has me desiring some strawberry cheesecake. Light-kun, I believe it is the least you can do to fetch me a slice." L said commandingly.

"I don't think so. We're even now. It took me forever to get that damned writing off of my forehead. Besides--there is no such thing as strawberry cheesecake in this world." Light said unapologetically.

"What?" L asked dangerously.

"If you ask me, that's not much of a tradeoff. No strawberry cheesecake in exchange for eternal life and a world of no crime? The choice is pretty clear to me. Don't you think?" Light shrugged.

--20 minutes later…

"Well, it was nice meeting you--maybe we'll meet up again someday." Light said as he dropped off the Whammy boys plus one Matt back in L's room window. ("You're going to love it here!" Mello was telling the boy.

"As long as I get access to all the newest video games, I'm sure I will." the odd child said, satisfied with his new living arrangements.)

"Perhaps we will meet again, Light-kun." L agreed. "But if I am ever to visit a second time, you must make sure to procure my desired desserts for me to enjoy."

"Only if you agree to keep any and all markers away from my face." Light rebutted.

"Consider it done."

Light waved then flew off into the sky and out of sight.

"That was quite the adventure, wasn't it?" L asked the boys.

"Eh, whatever--let's get some chocolate!" Mello said enthusiastically, already on his way out of the room.

"Don't forget the strawberry cheesecake!" L called, following the boys.

-------------

Quillish sat in his study sipping at a freshly brewed cup of tea and reading the morning paper. On the front page was a large blurry picture of four spots in the darkened sky. The headline read, 'Mystery Figures Spotted: Meteors, Planes, or Space Aliens?'

The man chortled at the ridiculousness of journalism these days and was about to dismiss the whole thing before one of the more clear spots in the photo caught his eye. He dropped the biscuit he had been about to take a bite out of and stared open mouthed.

"Is…is that L…?!"

* * *

**So how what do you think? Review for me? Or for some strawberry cheesecake?**


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